New Journey

I had a surreal experience the other day. Let me back up and tell you that my son is in public school for the first time ever this year. We finally decided on trying out an autism classroom with him and, so far, it is turning out to be a positive experience. But, back to my original thought, the other day was back-to-school night. I showed up at the school just like all of the other parents. I passed the PTA table, and the spirit wear table where they were selling t-shirts and other items, all in the school colors. I sat in the large auditorium and looked around at the many parents, students, and teachers who were there. My son was at home with his big brother. I sat and listened to the principal give her speech about curriculum, grading, spirit week, etc... I listened to the PTA president talk about new programs that they are supporting in the classrooms this year. I watched and clapped as they introduced each teacher and what grade they would be teaching. My son's classroom had 3 women introduced, 1 teacher and 2 aides. There are only 7 children in his class. I was there, I participated, but, unlike most of the other parents, I went to the special needs classroom at the end of our group time in the auditorium. As I walked through the bustling, loud hallways, I felt like I was in a bit of a daze. My son is so little, so vulnerable, so dependent on others still. And then I walked into the quiet of his classroom and I was greeted by 3 wonderful women with warm smiles at the door who all knew my first name. And, unlike what I pictured was happening in the other classrooms that evening, it was like life slowed down in that instant. As other parents, and some of the children who are my son's classmates, joined us, our conversation turned toward making friends, eating habits, IEP's, and even poop. Yep, that is what you will hear in an autism classroom. Talk about diapers, potty time, and schedules. Talk about food allergies. Talk about routine. Talk about therapies. And in that moment I realized that this is where I was comfortable. This is what I knew. This is what so many years of parenting this special little boy has taught me. That I was meant to be his mommy. And he was meant to be my son. And we will go on this journey together this year.

Do I run? No, not me. I pick up toys...

My son insisted that every toy be removed from his room tonight before he would go to sleep. I could see it was actually going to build into an anxiety attack before I agreed to move everything into his brother's room. Well, at least I get my exercise!

Mmm...Breakfast Anyone?

My son's breakfast of choice this morning: apricot (pronounced "paper cut") soy yogurt, kalamata olives, and tortilla chips. An interesting combination, but I guess it could be worse. :P

Why Lighting It Up Blue Is Important To Me

April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day, which kicks off Autism Awareness Month through April. Autism Speaks encourages people each year to "Light It Up Blue" by replacing your regular lightbulb on your porch with a blue one for one day (April 2nd). You might be asking yourself, how can lighting up my house with a blue lightbulb help in the fight against autism? To me, it's more about awareness and understanding of this mysterious disorder. What would happen if everyone took a day to become more aware of autism? There might be fewer people staring and making rude comments to parents fighting to keep their autistic child calm at the grocery store and other public places, there might be more bills passed to assure that insurance will cover treatments for these beautiful children, there might be more parents who would recognize the warning signs in their own children and get early intervention treatment so that their child might live the best, fullest life possible. What is my hope? That each of my friends and family would take a moment to learn more about autism. There are many websites that offer wonderful insight...a couple of my favorites are autismspeaks.org and reallookautism.com. And then head to Home Depot this week and buy a blue lightbulb to light up your porch on April 2nd. Tell your neighbors why you are doing this and encourage them to learn more about autism. You will not be alone; many prominent buildings and landmarks will also be lighting it up blue, including the Empire State Building, Niagara Falls, the Sydney Opera House, the CN Tower, the Cairo Tower, and Rockefeller Center. Will you pledge with me to open your eyes to this epidemic that now affects an estimated 1 in 110 children, including 1 in 70 boys? (And many believe that these are very conservative estimates.) Thank you, from me, my son, and my entire family!

Welcome To My New Reality (Or, Still Open For Business During Construction)

I know, I know...us autism mommies are supposed to have super powers, able to handle it all with a smile. I have to admit, my patience has grown by leaps and bounds in the last 3 years, even though sometimes it may not show (probably especially to my older kids), but I can feel it. There are days when I can read other autism blogs and feel proud to be in the company of such awesome people. Others who are proud because their child is potty trained, finally at age 10. Some are sharing the fact that their child slept through the night, or tried a new food, or didn't spit on anyone that day...and, trust me, they have a right to shout it from the rooftops! Those are big deals! All of them! And I blog about those things too. It's what keeps us from going insane and lets us remember the huge progress that our children have made from the time of diagnosis. But then there are the days when, yep, reality sets in. It's not invited, it just kind of creeps in and plops down on the couch by you. And then the train of thoughts starts running through your mind. The realization that you have a child that will be dependent on you, forever. Forever is a long time. Days are changed, routines are changed, friends are changed, vacations are changed, "downtime" is changed, reality, as we knew it, is changed. And it is not necessarily always a bad thing, but change can be scary. And when you have a stubborn personality like I do, well, change can be a hard thing to swallow. But I work on my flexibility every day, my spontaneity, and my "super powers." All because I love my son and he loves me. How do I know he loves me? Well, today I had allowed my eyes to close while he was playing near me on his iPad, and soon I felt a warm kiss on my forehead. Yep, it's all worth it. Even if my idea of reality is changing.

Thank You...For All Those Who Don't Run Away

I have never announced my blog publicly. I've been writing about our life with autism since 2010, and something still keeps me from "putting it out there." This post may change things...(we'll see how brave I am...)... We had friends over to our house last night that we have not seen in 8 years! 8 YEARS! With moving from here to there, we just haven't lived close enough to easily catch up before now. Okay, why am I telling you this? Because it was their first chance to meet our little boys. One "typical", the other autistic...both perfect in their own way. After they left, I found myself feeling very grateful and wanted to tell them Thank You, very loudly! You see, they didn't get scared off when my son (who will be 5 in the summer) suddenly needed a diaper change in the middle of our conversation. They didn't look at me in a judgmental way when he started screaming because of the new noise in the house. They didn't even shun him when he started spinning and didn't want to stop. And best of all...they asked questions! Yes, they wanted insight into our life with autism. They asked beautiful, thoughtful questions about why he doesn't feel pain, how he learned to be affectionate, what his language skills are, and how the siblings are involved. So thank you to this wonderful family (they know who they are), and all people like them who open their hearts a little more (and don't run away!)

Can You Say INTENSE?

Wednesday was my son's "extra stimming" day, today was his "extremely intense" day! Everything he did today had added intensity...If he was spinning, he spun so hard that he would throw himself against a piece of furniture or against the corner of the stairs (yes, I think on purpose)...If he wanted to watch a certain show, he repeated his request very quickly and loudly while flapping his hands constantly...If he didn't like a certain food that he put into his mouth, he spit it out vigorously and threw the rest of it on the floor...You get the idea? I'm actually surprised (and very grateful) on these kind of days that he will settle down at bedtime, after his Melatonin of course. He's either going to keep me young, or make me old very fast. ;)